A Therapist’s Advice on How to Save Money on Therapy

The saying “You get what you pay for” is true when it comes to mental health services. Older more experienced therapists are usually the best and so they simply charge more. Therapists who provide sliding scale are typically newer and trying to build up their practice. Clinics are cheap but usually have newer clinicians or those who can’t sustain a private practice for whatever reason.

So, if you want someone good, it will cost you more up front but less long term. Some one good means someone who can help you reach your goals sooner and more effectively.

Fewer sessions means fewer dollars.

First, choose your therapist with care. You can waste a lot of first sessions and money by picking the wrong person to work with. Choosing a therapist is a bit like a blind date, however there are some things that will help narrow your search.

Read their website and bio. Do they have experience successfully treating your issue? Speak with them over the phone before scheduling. Therapist who let you schedule online are willing to see anybody. Therefore, they may not have a specialty, or they may work with each client in the exact same way. Call them and briefly share what’s going on and what you want to get out of seeing them. Then ask them how they would approach helping you.

Be consistent–Reason one

Now that you found your therapist — you need to commit! Those who pop in now and then may feel better short term but they will not experience lasting change. The more consistent you are in the short term, the fewer sessions it actually takes in the long term. Again, fewer sessions equals fewer dollars.

Here is an example of what I mean. Pretend you are learning a foreign language. If you immerse yourself, then you learn faster and retain more of what you learned. If you take one class now and then you are going to get far weaker results and ultimately pay for are greater number of classes. The same is true for therapy sessions.

Be consistent–Reason two

Your consistency helps our memory. A secret we don’t like to tell clients is that we just don’t remember your sessions as well as you do. A therapy session is a rare encounter for you. For us it’s our day-to-day work. If you don’t come consistently then it is very hard for us to recall all the important information needed to serve you best, notes or not.

Be consistent–Reason three

Therapist typically create a treatment plan for each client. We can’t plan in advance how to sequence your therapy if you just pop in from time to time. Pop-in clients get to vent, but we don’t get to prepare.

Never lie to us.

Clients maybe embarrassed about a secret behavior, but if you keep secrets from us your therapy may not be on target. An example would be when a client doesn’t share how much they really drink. Alcohol contributes to anxiety and depression and keeps medication from working. We need to know the truth. We are here to help, not to judge.

Do your homework.

Almost all therapists give clients homework. If yours does not then ask for some. This is typically an article or journal exercise or a book recommendation. If you take advantage then you will get results more quickly and need fewer sessions. When clients complain about cost but don’t make the extra effort to do their homework, it can be very frustrating for us.

DNA and Medication

If you need medication, a very new way to save money is to pay up front for an online DNA test. There are now test that will actually help you choose the right medication the first time. It cost about the same as a psychiatrist visit but is far more accurate. You will be much less likely to need to adjust your dosage, deal with side effects, or try a new one altogether. You pay the website once instead of paying for several psychiatric visits.

Get a discount.

Now a sensitive topic… When clients try to bargain with us to lower our fees, it can feel very disrespectful. If you want to approach your therapist about a lower fee rate here is my suggestion: After your first or second session, express clearly your goals and commitment to reaching them. Then ask if a package of 8-12 sessions could possibly be available at a discount. (This package will have an expiration date). Packages actually make scheduling and taxes easier for us so there is a mutual incentive to offer you a package deal.

Save money without sacrificing your wellness.

How to save money on therapy comes down to needing fewer sessions to get good results. You need fewer sessions when you have a quality therapist, and are a committed consistent client who does their homework. You may even be a committed consistent client who scores a package rate. Save money, but don’t sacrifice quality when it comes to your wellness.

The post A Therapist’s Advice on How to Save Money on Therapy appeared first on HiveMind Community.

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Source: spa

How Kink Made These People’s Sex Lives Healthier


Where do you think kink has the most positive effect?
I think body confidence. I like the way I look in the negligee. I like the feeling of the silk on my skin. I like the way my partner looks at me. All of it is cohesive in bringing together a healthy and comfortable approach to my body. So many women struggle with their own body image because we live in a society that is constantly making us feel bad about how we look. Every day it’s like—‘what does society tell us we should look like today?’, ’what does society tell us we should wear?’, ’who is claiming purchase over our bodies today?’ As women we live day to day trying to find a way to own our bodies that doesn’t rely on someone else’s validation. Owning my pleasure through kink is really helping me embrace my body. Rather than being detached to the jiggly wiggly parts of my body, I feel attached to it because it’s my body in its entirety that gives me pleasure.

Source: ncsf

Would a BDSM Sex Robot Violate Asimov's First Law of Robotics?


The foundations of healthy, happy, satisfying, and pleasurable sexual experiences are trust, effective communication, and of course, consent between people. The role of consent for the human in any situation is physical and psychological safety. At the same time, human sexuality includes many behaviors that rely on someone’s interior life and what uniquely excites them, and for some people that includes role playing and other creative interactions that sometimes involve testing and teasing physical and emotional limits of the body with their trusted partner(s), or practicing things that society may consider taboo. However, in this case we are discussing scenarios between a (let’s say non-sentient) robot and human(s), so the idea of consent should be human-centered, as in the Laws.


Source: ncsf

NCSF Incident Reporting & Response – 3rd Quarter 2018 report

By Susan Wright

Director of IRR

NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response received 62 reports & requests for assistance from individuals, groups and businesses in July, August & September 2018. That is down from 76 in the 2nd Quarter, and 87 in the 1st Quarter 2018, but still a 50% higher report rate than the last two quarters of 2017.

NCSF maintains the confidentiality of those who come to us for help. However, we balance that need with the need to report the services we are providing and to provide the community with a record of where the need is the greatest.

Here is a breakdown of the cases we dealt with in the 3rd Quarter of 2018:


There were 22 requests for resources and information involving criminal legal matters – 20% less than in the 2nd Quarter: 

  • 11 of those requests came from people who reported an assault, sexual assault, stalking, harassment, or were requests by prosecutors who needed education about consensual BDSM practices.
  • 11 people requested resources and referrals for attorneys to assist in defending themselves against accusations of assault, sexual assault, stalking, harassment and threats of outing.


19 groups needed assistance compared to 27 groups in the 2nd Quarter of 2018:

  • 7 groups needed help dealing with consent incidents or were inquiring about presenters/organizers
  • 5 people were protesting being banned by a group
  • 2 groups asked for assistance in dealing with police – 1 was falsely reported to be involved in sex trafficking and 1 was misrepresented to the police
  • 2 groups asked for assistance in doing outreach to local civic and community organizations
  • 1 group needed assistance in creating a consent policy
  • 1 group was reported for outing
  • 1 group was dealing with incorporation

Child Custody

There were 11 requests for resources and referrals for family court attorneys, up from 8 in the 2nd Quarter of 2018:

  • 7 involved BDSM (3 with FetLife photos and 1 with photos on the cloud)
  • 2 involved both BDSM and polyamorous relationships
  • 1 involved sex work
  • 1 involved CPS


8 requests, compared to 3 requests in the 2nd Quarter of 2018:

  • 2 people needed help after being outed
  • 2 people needed help with civic and community organizations
  • 2 people were banned by businesses – one by PayPal and the other by AirBnB
  • 1 employment discrimination because of BDSM and poly against a Federal employee
  • 1 person needed help with photos that were posted without permission


2 people needed professional referrals – for a therapist and an attorney.

Source: ncsf

On Positive Motivation and Accountability

“Positive” motivation arises from the need to seek out what can be experienced, in contrast to “negative” motivation that is born out of the need to avoid something. In many ways, negative motivation is like being pushed from the behind (the past) while positive motivation is like being pulled by the future.

Accessing meaningful motivation — not simply the kind of motivation that gets us to work each morning (which, believe me, is still incredibly important!) — is a lifelong challenge, commitment, and practice.

A self-responsible person is motivated to be fully alive and to be aware of his or her decisions as opposed to living life by default. A self-responsible person is ready, able, and willing to turn negative motivation into positive motivation. This is done by clearing what is negative or toxic from one’s life and turning towards what is desired instead. In other words, negative motivation enables us to determine who and what we are not, while positive motivation allows us to decide who and what we are and will be.

Two ways that can help discipline yourself into staying motivated are internal accountability and external accountability.

1. External Accountability

Accountability that arises from the nature of a relationship with somebody (such as a family member or friend) or from the nature of an agreement with somebody (such as a business partner) tends to be motivating for most people. However, these relationships are also charged with issues of trustworthiness and integrity, which are linked to one’s sense of self-respect.

If you are struggling with this type of accountability, it might be worth exploring the Positive Use of Tattling. Psychotherapist Thom Rutledge describes it as follows:

“To stoke the motivational fires when you decide to make a change, you simply tell on yourself. Tell at least one other person who you know cares about you, someone who doesn’t feel the need to control your efforts to change and who won’t support you in making excuses if you drop the ball. Most of us can use the experience of not being harshly judged for falling short of our goals. Eventually, we can even learn to stop condemning ourselves for our human imperfection, learn from the mistake, and give it another shot.”

2. Internal Accountability

Ironically, it usually takes some measure of internal accountability in order to create external accountability. While I believe that external accountability is a simple yet powerful tool to remain connected and committed to others and our goals that we should use throughout our lives, I also know that it is critical for us to be able to strengthen a sense of internal accountability in order to not become dependent upon others’ presence in order to stay motivated. This type of accountability is accountability between self and self — accountability to oneself.

In the words of Thom Rutledge:

“When you hold yourself accountable for living up to your own expectations, which are congruent with you personal value system, you earn your own respect.

If you want to start making proactive, responsible decisions in your life to act in ways that give you a stronger self-image, you will need to stay motivated.”

To explore your internal accountability further, I invite you to journal about your inner dialogue surrounding a personal struggle. You can frame it as a conversation between your Default Setter and your Decision Maker (or whatever two “voices” are at play in the situation).

  • What decisions have you made in your life about who and what you are and are not?
  • What decisions have you made in your life about who and what you will be?
  • What current thoughts and behaviors in your life influence your answers to the above two questions?
  • What is one action you are committed to making today that would move you forward from a place of positive motivation?
  • What is one thing you might benefit from “tattling on yourself” about? Who is one person you might go to in order to “tell on yourself”?

The post On Positive Motivation and Accountability appeared first on HiveMind Community.

The post On Positive Motivation and Accountability appeared first on Sex Positive Academy.

Source: spa

The Complete Guide to Rough Sex


Check in after you’re finished having sexy time. Compare what each of you enjoyed about the experience. If there were any changes you’d like to make, say so. The most important thing about any sexual play is that both people enjoy themselves and walk away feeling good about themselves.



Source: ncsf

San Francisco’s Folsom Street Fair reinforces consent

Golden Gate Press

“It’s everything. The BDSM community was into consent a long time before the mainstream community ever talked about it,” said Jim Dunyak, who was operating the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom booth. “It was sort of codified in this ‘safe, sane and consensual.’ I think that was approximately 30 years ago, but it’s been a pretty strong concept, I would say since the beginning.”

Source: ncsf

Why Do We Get Jealous in Relationships?

Recognizing and embracing your partner’s enduring vulnerabilities, as well as your own, will strengthen your relationship.

The post Why Do We Get Jealous in Relationships? appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

The post Why Do We Get Jealous in Relationships? appeared first on HiveMind Community.

The post Why Do We Get Jealous in Relationships? appeared first on Sex Positive Academy.

Source: spa

5 Ways to Ease Your Partner Into Trying Bondage and Kink


I’m not suggesting you need to become a connoisseur of kink in order to give kink a try. What I am suggesting is that you do your research to help you understand what’s out there and to home in on what looks good to you. It will be easier to ask for what you want if you actually know what you want to try. If your partner asks, “Why does this appeal to you?” or “What do you want to do?” you should be able to provide a reasonable answer.

Source: ncsf

Guest Blog: What Therapists Need to Know About Consensual Non-monogamy

By Heath Schechinger, Ph.D.

Too many clients who are in consensual non-monogamous (CNM) relationships have to educate their therapists. Too many of them discontinue therapy because their therapist judged them, didn’t know enough about CNM to be helpful, or worse, makes actively stigmatizing comments such as “polyamory isn’t stable,” “women can’t do non-monogamy,” or “we can’t accept you to our therapy group as you’re non-monogamous — you wouldn’t fit in.” These are real quotes from a study about the experiences of CNM clients in therapy a couple of colleagues and I recently had accepted for publication in Journal for Clinical and Consulting Psychology.

We believe our results clearly highlight how we need to start taking the mental health needs of the CNM community seriously. For context, around 4–5% of people in the United States report that they are in CNM relationships, a comparable number to how many people identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. More than one in five adults have also tried CNM at some point, which is not far off from how many people own a cat. We also know that interest and awareness of CNM, especially open relationships and polyamory, is on the rise, despite evidence of blatant stigma directed toward this population.

It is still rare, however, for mental and medical health professionals to receive training on how to effectively support people who are engaging in or exploring consensual non-monogamy. Given what we know about minority stress causing additional mental health burdens, I am concerned about the lack of support this community is receiving.

As co-chair of the American Psychological Association’s Division 44 Consensual Non-monogamy Task Force, I’m calling for my colleagues to thoughtfully examine our assumptions around monogamy, pursue and promote education about relationship diversity, and approach this issue with the same level of respect and care that we do with other marginalized communities.

Results, Implications, and Calls to Action

In our study, Drs. John Sakaluk, Amy Moors, and I asked 249 people engaged in CNM about their experiences in therapy, making it the largest study to date on this topic. Significantly, the study was accepted at a top-tier, mainstream clinical journal, signaling that the field of psychology is starting to recognize the importance of addressing relationship diversity.

Monogamy is privileged. It is the unquestioned status quo, prompting many therapists to assume by default that their clients are monogamous, or even, for some, that their clients should be. The publication of this paper means that mainstream psychologists may read about and subsequently treat the needs of the consensual non-monogamy community with an elevated level of respect. The article also calls on mental health researchers and providers to examine our biases and take a nonjudgemental posture toward clients engaged in consensual non-monogamy — just as we would with LGBTQ clients.

We asked participants in structured and open formats what their therapist did (or did not do) that they found to be helpful and unhelpful, allowing us to generate broad and specific practice recommendations and calls to action.

Educating Therapists

One of the most prominent themes in our data was the importance of educating therapists about CNM. For example, our participants rated therapists as being more helpful when their therapists: (1) educated themselves about CNM issues; (2) held affirming, nonjudgmental attitudes toward CNM; (3) helped them feel good about being CNM; and (4) were open to discussing issues related to a client’s relationship structure. By contrast, CNM clients rated therapists as less helpful and were more likely to prematurely discontinue therapy when their therapist: (1) lacked or refused to gather information about CNM, (2) held judgmental, (3) pathologizing, and/or (4) dismissive attitudes toward CNM.

One-fifth of our participants also reported that their therapist lacked the basic knowledge of consensual non-monogamy issues necessary to be an effective therapist, and/or had to be constantly educated about CNM issues.

That is not to say all therapists were unaware of CNM. One-third of therapists in our study were described by CNM clients as quite knowledgeable of CNM communities and resources. We also asked in an open format what our participants’ therapists did that they found particularly unhelpful. One in five of those responding mentioned their therapist lacking or refusing to gather info about CNM.

It is important to note that our results may be inflated positively as nearly half of our participants reported intentionally seeking a therapist who was affirming toward CNM. Results were generally worse among those who did not search for a CNM-affirming therapist.

These results in conjunction with the size and stigma directed toward the CNM population has led me to conclude that educating therapists needs to be addressed at the highest levels of the mental health profession. It is time to include CNM in therapist training and continuing education programs, and I am calling on my colleagues to join me in advocating for this change.

Removing Barriers to Treatment

Being able to find a therapist who is educated and affirming of CNM is also a critical issue. CNM therapy clients who screened for a CNM-affirming therapist reported better treatment outcomes. They experienced more “exemplary” and fewer “inappropriate” therapy practices by their therapists, and they rated their therapists as being more helpful than those who did not search for a CNM-affirming therapist.

I am also requesting my colleagues advocate for CNM to be included as a search term on therapist locator websites (such as Psychology Today and APA Psychologist Locator) to help remove barriers to the CNM community accessing culturally competent care.

This is a step that I am pleased to announce that APA Psychologist Locator has agreed to take. We are currently in dialog with them about adding ‘Consensual Non-monogamy’ and ‘Kink/Diverse Sexualities’ as searchable categories, with the changes (hopefully) set to go live in November/December 2018. We hope Psychology Today and other therapist locators will follow suit. …

Resources & Getting Involved

One of our initiatives is to advocate for the eventual creation of practice guidelines, similar to those that were created by the American Psychological Association for working with lesbian, gay, and bisexual therapy clients as well as transgender and gender nonconforming therapy clients.

In an effort to progress toward practice guidelines, I developed empirically-informed benchmarks that can be used to assess practices at the institutional and individual levels. Dr. Michelle Vaughan also led the charge in creating informational brochures that people engaged in CNM can provide to their medical and mental health provider(s).

You can access the benchmarking tool, language for asking about relationship style on demographic forms, informational brochures, and join the APA Division 44 Consensual Non-monogamy mailing list by signing our petition to support relationship diversity in mental health, medical health, and the legal profession. Alternatively, you can receive these resources by simply joining the mailing list.

In addition to signing our petition and/or joining our mailing list, we would like to invite you apply to join our task force or follow us on Facebook and Twitter, where we will be posting updates. I will also be making updates on my Twitter, Facebook, and Linkedin accounts.

These resources and this post can be shared freely with your network as well as your current medical and mental health providers.

Educating therapists, removing barriers to accessing treatment, asking about relationship status on demographic forms, setting benchmarks, and signing petitions will not eliminate the judgment and discrimination experienced by the CNM community — but we believe these are all important steps forward. With education and exposure we can challenge the mononormative assumptions promoting a one-size-fits all model of relating — in the same way we challenge assumptions about sexual orientation and gender diversity.

Just as monogamy is not right for everyone, neither is consensual non-monogamy. It’s not about what’s right for all, but what’s right sized for the individual.


Heath Schechinger, Ph.D., is a licensed counseling psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, and Co-chair of the American Psychological Association Division 44 Consensual Non-monogamy Task Force. His private practice specializes in providing support to the CNM, kink, queer, and gender non-conforming communities.

Source: ncsf