The Gottman Institute
After enough time, the broken-shameful-chicken excrement feelings faded. There were still many hard lessons and uncomfortable brushes with my own jealousy and anxieties, as well as the jealousy and anxieties of others. More than once my insecurities ran the show—going cold when a partner went on a date with someone I perceived to be hotter, thinner, or smarter than me. I spent several years clawing at different romantic partners, insisting that they tell me I was their number one, the primary, the queen bee. I was convinced that having such a title would make me impervious to discomfort. (It didn’t.) I had to undergo many trials by fire in order to figure out how to actually speak honestly to someone I cared about. But even the frequency of these roadblocks decreased over time, settling into the most surprising feeling of all: normalcy.