Ask a Sexpert

Does it feel awkward bringing up safe sex to your partner(s)? 





How do I choose the right condom for me?

First Check the Lable…

Make sure to read the condom label to check if it is FDA-approved for use against unplanned pregnancy and STDs. According to FDA regulations, anything that “sufficiently resembles” a condom must comply with FDA standards including novelty condoms, like those that glow in the dark or are flavored. If condoms do not comply with these standards, they may not claim to be a contraceptive device.

Condoms also have an expiration date, make sure that your are using it BEFORE the date on the packaging.

Now Let Us Consider Size…



Did the sizing activity make you feel insecure? 







Now Let’s Discuss Material…

Latex Allergy?

What Tecture Does Your Penis Like?
What Strength Do You Need?
​​​​​​​How Hard Do You Want to Play?
How Long Do You Want To Last?

Non-latex Condoms
Non-latex condoms are ideal if you or your partner has an allergy to latex. These condoms are made from non latex materials such as polyurethane or lambskin. Non latex condoms are hypoallergenic and known for their natural feeling.

Do Your Sexy Parts Like It Slippery When Wet?

Personal Lubricants
Personal lubricants are a vital part of a healthy sex life. Find a wide selection of lubes including silicone, water-based, natural, vaginal, anal, flavored, and more. Lubricants can be used during intercourse, foreplay, desensitizing, and some are formulated to increase the likelihood of pregnancy.

 

Finally, Make Sure That We Protect All Our Body Parts During Sex!

“Nowadays, you can do anything that you want—anal, oral, fisting—but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.
― Slavoj Žižek

Dental Dams
Dental dams are thin pieces of latex or similar material that can be used to protect against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) during oral sex or rimming (anilingus). They come in the shape of a small square or rectangle and each piece should be used only one time.

How Effective Are Condoms?

According to PlannedParenthood.Org, Condoms are great at preventing both pregnancy and STDs. If you follow the instructions and use them every time you have vaginal, anal, or oral sex, there’s very little chance of pregnancy, or getting or giving an STD. 

 
 

Copyright HarmonyCollective.Us 2019. All Rights Reserved


It’s Not About the Nail

The Advantage of a Cuddle Buddy

Have you ever felt that feeling of cloistered peace within a night’s rest, listening to the drifting wind or the soothing rain? That warm sensation that you are watched over, safe and not alone? Perhaps the comforting cuddling of another, despite the struggles and turmoils of the day by day. This elusive ideal sensation of peacetime, of relaxation. It should belong to all, as it astronomically improves one’s well being, and attitude towards life. But what is one to do in the cold, when there is no other to aid in this feeling?

Perhaps it may be received as juvenile, rejected, or unsettling, but the positive results are positively undeniable. The solution is to cuddle inanimate, comfortable objects in the absence of another. Sometimes, it is even more advantageous to cuddle inanimate objects in the presence of another partner. Why is this the case? There are two answers to this question, however. The secular advantage, in the chemical balance of the body, or perhaps the more personal perspective from that of one’s own actions.

Examining the secular advantage to inanimate cuddling is the simple act of endorphin stimulation. The comforting touch of another, be it inanimate or otherwise, is of a healing process that aids in the reinforcement of safe feelings. This act of routine or occasional relaxation provides a necessary reprieve from the day to day stresses of the singular individual. Although it may seem tacky, it allows one to revisit the instinctive comforts of youth and safety, and allows for a better sense of security overall. The continuous, unchecked anxiety of the individual unconcerned for their own wellbeing can be detrimental to daily life, so it is imperative to keep the anxiety in check and take care of it.

Turn your favorite buddy into one of our most loved products in a matter of minutes.

When looking from the personal experience perspective, the advantage of such cuddling and relief, be it an object or person, is not totally obvious. Some find it warm, unsettling, or perhaps lack the experience of such practice. But it cannot be denied the relief when, faced with monstrous and overwhelming obstacles, that one simple hug from the correct individual may grant one the strength to persevere and continue to provide their best in the trials ahead. That correct hug, that promise of safety, can be provided by something like a doll or teddy as well if preferred. 

There is nothing shameful or condemnable about self-help. It is the responsibility of yourself to tend to yourself and enjoy life’s wonders and enchanting moments, even in spite of the seemingly inescapable lows of life. No matter the person, the tools, or the object, it is important to care for your wellbeing, in any way possible. What have you to lose?

Better communication applies to self talk, too

Here is one exercise to begin developing positive self-talk:

Write down some of the negative messages inside your mind.  Be specific, whenever possible, and include anyone you remember who contributed to that message.
Next, to those negative messages write down a positive truth in your life.  Don’t give up if you don’t find them quickly.  For every negative message there is positive,  keep looking until you find them.

For example, you might write, when you make a mistake, you think, “I can’t do anything right.” Right beside that negative statement, your positive message could be, “I accept my mistake and am becoming a better person.”

Positive self-talk is not self-deception, positive self-talk is about the truth, in situations and in yourself.  When negative events or mistakes happen, positive self-talk seeks to bring the positive out of the negative to help you do better, go further, or just keep moving forward.

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Ethical Non-Monogamy Reading for Professionals

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Ethical Non-Monogamy Reading for Professionals


ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY

Ethical Slut, Dossie Easton and Cathrine A. Liszt (Greenery Press, 2004). This book is a philosophical and practical handbook for those who are interested in exploring theca non- monogamy.

 

 

 

 


Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2008). This book is an introduction to the concept of open relationships discussed the difficulties and benefits of this exploration for couples.

 

 

 

 

 


Polyamory and Pregnancy, Jessica Burde (2013). A guide for bringing a new life into a polycule.

 

 

 

 

 


The Polyamory Handbook: A User’s Guide, Peter J. Benson (Authorhouse, 2008). This is a practical and philosophical guide to engaging in polyamorous relationships.

 

 

 

 

 


Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic, Raven Kaldera (Alfred Press, 2010). This book is a practical guide in how to maneuver both polyamory and power exchange relationships.

 

 

 

 


Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle, Kaye Bellemeade (New Tradition Books, 2008). This book is a fantastic introduction for anyone interested in trying out swinging.

 

 

 

 


What Does Polyamory Look Like?: Polydiverse Patterns of Loving and Living in Modern Polyamorous Relationships, Mim Chapman (iUniverse.com, 2012). This book is an examination of polyamory culture, polyamory movement, and the modern views of open relationships.

 

 

 

 


COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS

Difficult Conversations, Doug Stone (Penguin Books, 2000). The book is one of the best resources for combatting anxiety-provoking conversations. It provides tools and strategies for individuals who struggle with having emotional conversations.

 

 

 

 


 

Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton (Penguin, 1991). This book is an excellent negotiation resource. It gives the fundamentals and tactics for negotiation and introduces the concepts of need vs. Principle.

 

 

 


The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships Kathy Labriola (Greenery Press, 2013). This is a good practical resource for couples and individuals who are struggling with jealousy.

 

 

 

 


The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships, John Gottman and Joan DeClaire (Harmony, 2002). This book is an introduction to the research, science and practical understand of what makes relationships successful and how to better communicate.

Introduction to Kink for Professionals

Dr. Harmony’s Recommended Reading for an Introduction to Kink for Professionals


Fundamentals

Working with Kinky Clients: A Clinicians’ Manual

With the advent of the Internet, those who participate in alternative forms of relationship, gender, and sexual expression have come together as a community and have created a new sexual minority subculture.

The clinical needs of this community are different than the traditional mental health client and it is important for all mental health clinicians and healthcare providers to be familiar with the standard of care that may be different in the varied populations that make up this community. This document is the accompanying manual for a pilot Kink Aware Therapy Certification educational program, and it offers a fundamental working knowledge and important clinical considerations and interventions in the treatment of this population based upon one clinician’s experiences, the current research, and community literature.

This companion text also reinforces the growing need for an educational program for mental health and medical providers and further clinical research with this population.

50 Shades of Kink, Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2014). This book is a helpful handbook and beginner’s guide to Kinky play and for those who are into impact play but are nervous about safety and protocol.

 

 

 

 


As Kinky as You Wanna Be: Your Guide to Safe, Sane and Smart BDSM, Shanna Germain (Cleis Press, 2014). This book is a good KINK 10 to BDSM play with the emphasis in safety and consent.

 

 

 

 

 

Playing Around: A Short Introduction to Kink for the Curious, Charlie Hale (Charlie Hale, 2014). Available for free at http://playingaround.charliehale.net, this book is an easy Kink 101 book for couples interested in just getting the basics down.

 

 

 

 


Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures, Peggy J. Kleinplatz and Charles Moser (Harrington Park Press, 2006). A collection of essays by researches in a variety of fields helps to dispel the myths surround SM and those who engage in it. A great read for those interested in BDSM personally as well as mental health professionals, students, and researchers.

 

 

 


The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and The Erotic Edge, Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2012). This book is an anthology from Kink educators around the world that covers everything from fantasy play to BDSM play. This is an excellent read for those just starting out because it has a diverse flavor of activities from mild to intense and offers a good exploration of Kinky play and fantasy options.

 

 

 


Our Dark Side: A History of Perversion, Élisabeth Roudinesco (Polity Press, 2009). A historical look at how societies have handle sexuality since the Middle Ages.

 

 

 

 

 


KINK COMMUNITIES AND CULTURE

Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community, Elizabeth Kennedy and Madeline D. Davis (Penguin Books, 1993). This in depth history and examination of the lesbian community of Buffalo, NY between 1930’2-1960’s combines 13 years of research.

 

 

 

 


Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice, Mark Thompson (Daedalus Publishing, 2004). This book is an excellent historical collection of papers and essays on the history of the leather subculture.

 

 

 

 


Life by Association: Getting Furry, Joseph Santiago and Lina Clark (Santiago, Inc. 2012). This book is a memoir of self-discovery and exploration of the furry community.

 

 

 

 

 


Life, Leather and The Pursuit of Happiness: Life, History and Culture in The Leather/Bdsm/Fetish Community, Steve Lenius (Nelson\Borhek#press, 2010). This book is an anthology of selections from Steve Lenius’s 15 years as the writer of “Leather Life” for Lavender Magazine as well other writings which give readers a fun inside exploration into the leather community

 

 

 


Furries: A Guide to Anthropomorphism, C.D. Overstreet (CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015). This book is an excellent handbook for professionals, furries and the furry curious which explores the mysticism, the psychology, sexuality, and the science behind it all.

 

 

 

 


Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities, Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams (Greenery Press, 2012). This book is an ethnographic study and exploration of the Kink community itself rather than a how-to.

 

 

 

 


Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities, David Ortman and Richard A. Sprott (Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2012). The book serves as an educational resource for those whose partners, friends, and family members are involved in BDSM play and the Kink community. It explores the struggles and dispels myths that are perpetuated by popular culture and the media.

 

 

 


Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá (Harper, 2010). This book is an analysis of ethnographic and scientific research of mono-sexuality and poly-sexuality in the field of sexual anthropology