Guest Blog: Parenting and polyamory

by Tiro

A few years ago, I was talking to a therapist who knew nothing about polyamory. (In fact, she seemed to know very little about most things and our sessions were more like a series of 45-minute lectures on alternative lifestyles—thanks, National Health Service!) I was attempting to explain that yes, I had two partners, both of whom knew about each other, and who had at least one other partner of their own, and yes, this was completely comfortable for me and not in any way pathological, and so on. Eventually, after a lot of rhetorical and emotional labor, she finally looked at me and said, with some satisfaction, “Well, since you’re not planning on having any children, I guess you should do whatever works for you.”

At the time, that felt like enough of a victory, but I’ve heard the same claim repeated both inside and outside the poly-knowledgeable spheres I live in, and every time it’s bothered me slightly more. Why would a poly family be a bad environment to raise children?

More than one in three Americans is part of a stepfamily. This means they have experienced the addition of other adults and/or children, not genetically related to them, into their domestic life. It also means that they have experienced the trauma of a relationship ending, either as a child or a parent.

Research suggests that the single biggest positive factor in minimizing negative outcomes for children involved in separation is positive co-parenting. If children are able to spend the right amount of time with both parents and are not subjected to acrimony, the vast majority of them do well.

In a poly family with children, there is a biological mother and father for each child, and a selection of additional adults, some of whom may take on a measure of parental responsibility. This looks very similar to a blended or step-family of two divorced adults, their new partners, and children from their current and previous relationships. The major difference is a poly family doesn’t come together after a traumatic separation. It’s all of the benefits of having extra adult perspectives in a child’s life, only nobody hates each other—or worse, desperately tries to pretend they don’t hate each other.

Of course, poly families with less stable bonds, or whose lifestyles entail more disruption of the children’s routines, are much less likely to produce stable, well-adjusted children, but the same can be said for situations where one parent has multiple short-term monogamous relationships as they spasmodically try to rediscover the dating scene.

Naturally, there’s no research out there to compare children raised in poly families to those from monogamous post-divorce blended families or monogamous couples who stayed together, so this is all conjecture. I believe, however, that the obvious comparison with blended families means there’s no clear reason to claim that poly families can’t raise happy, successful children.

Source: ncsf

Pink And Blue Weren’t Always Gendered Colors

Pink and blue are colors that are commonly associated with gender in many
Western cultures. Specifically, pink is widely considered to be a “girl
color,” whereas blue is widely thought of as “boy color.” However, this
hasn’t always been the case. In fact, historically, we didn’t associate
these colors with a particular gender—and there was even a period not that
long ago when some argued that pink was for boys and blue was for girls.
Source: spa

THE PAKISTANI-AMERICAN 'MR. LEATHER' BUSTING BDSM STEREOTYPES

Paper Mag

In the world of BDSM, the lack of representation of people of color persists as it does in many other pockets of American mainstream and underground culture. One man breaking the mold of the stereotypical white leather daddy is Ali Mushtaq, a Pakistani-American from California whose presence at leather events and in BDSM circles is something of an anomaly, given his Muslim background and in his words, “Punjabi” appearance. Having won the title of Mr. Leather at a competition in California last year, Mushtaq has been using his platform to drive forward the conversation around visibility, representation and equality in sexuality. Breaking down stereotypes that Muslims can’t be into fetishes or kink, Mushtaq is a sex symbol for a modern age — one in which religion, race and gender are no longer barriers to freedom of sexual expression.

Source: ncsf

The Trump Administration Doubles Down On Abstinence-Only Sex Education

The Trump administration recently released its proposed budget for 2019
and, just like last year, it seeks to ensure that sex education in the
United States remains focused on abstinence. Specifically, this
administration seeks to fund abstinence-only programs to the tune of $150
million. I’ve said it many times before, but it bears repeating: focusing
sex education primarily on abstinence just doesn’t work.
Source: spa

Barak & Sheba: Adventures in Sexuality – Ep 29 American Sex Podcast

Barak and Sheba tell Sunny & Ken how exploring sacred sexuality lead to them opening up a thriving sex-positive community center. They share some of the transformative moments they’ve witnessed in the community they built, tell us everything we need to know about sex conventions including tips for attending your first one, and how they’ve […]

The post Barak & Sheba: Adventures in Sexuality – Ep 29 American Sex Podcast appeared first on Sunny Megatron. If you are reading this on any site other then an RSS feed, this site is scraping my content. My posts appearance here is not an endorsement of this site. It is also likely here without my permission. Sunny Megatron

Source: spa

I Edited a New Book Called “How to Get Laid Using Your Intuition” by Susanna Brisk

I have a very exciting announcement–I just edited my first book! I’ve done my fair share of editing in the past but for shorter pieces like blog posts or educational content on sexuality websites. This is my very first whole, entire book. I actually enjoyed the process more than I anticipated, however, what’s most important […]

The post I Edited a New Book Called “How to Get Laid Using Your Intuition” by Susanna Brisk appeared first on Sunny Megatron. If you are reading this on any site other then an RSS feed, this site is scraping my content. My posts appearance here is not an endorsement of this site. It is also likely here without my permission. Sunny Megatron

Source: spa

These Are The 8 Main Reasons People Cheat

Research consistently finds that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 married persons
in the United States has committed infidelity [1]. Rates of infidelity in
dating relationships are even higher. Why are so many people cheating?
Surprisingly little research has explored the motivations behind
infidelity; fortunately, however, a new study published in the Journal of
Sex Research offers some valuable insight [2]. 
Source: spa