Consent Counts! with Kuldrin’s Krypt
Oneida was founded in 1848 by John Humphrey Noyes, a former theological student who believed that paradise could be found on Earth through nontraditional sexual and familial structures. This included communal child raising; “complex marriage,” a term Noyes invented to describe how all Oneidans were married to one another; and sexual rituals, like male continence. Noyes built an enormous mansion in upstate New York for his “family” and amassed hundreds of followers. For years, the community succeeded. But after Noyes died, the community pivoted—into a thriving business.
This broadly accepting community facilitates connections that can help a person fight against the often alienating experience of illness. Where many of us assume vanilla sex between heterosexual partners to be a private matter, we recognize that kink, BDSM and queer sex have long been grounded in communities of advocacy, activism and mutual support. That isn’t to say that every person feels connected immediately when they discover their sexuality, but it is to say that the communities are there to be discovered, and they can be lifesavers.
Bay Area Reporter
Often people wrestle with coming to terms with their sexual fantasies because they sense they’re rare. The less common we believe our fantasies might be the more likely we are to build up some shame and trepidations around them. By laying bare the reality that these wide-ranging sexual fantasies are rather common (in other words, quite normal), hopefully people will embrace those fantasies for what they are, a healthy manifestation of their sexuality.
McCullough also speaks to another way polyamory teaches healthy relationship skills: Certain topics need to be brought up consistently, especially as things in the relationship change. Prior to being polyamorous, I never told a partner, “This will be an ongoing conversation. When something changes in our relationship or one of us starts feeling a certain way about this, let’s talk about this again.” Before polyamory, I would typically have just one conversation with a partner about an issue we were struggling with, and then we would never resurface it. Ongoing conversations take into account that your needs and wants will change as a relationship evolves. This is true for all types of relationships — even platonic ones with family, friends, and coworkers.
There are days when I feel like the entire world expects me to be strong, simply because that is what’s expected of black women. We must solve every problem, cook every meal, dry every tear, and make everyone else’s lives happier. But sometimes, I don’t want to make any decisions. Surrendering to my master, then, means momentarily unburdening myself from the weight I carry as a divorced black mother. My obligations are so draining, I relish the comfort I feel when I can safely give myself over to someone who respects, loves, and values me.
This week we revisit an enlightening conversation with John C. Luna about urethral sounding. Get ready to have all your questions answered– What exactly is urethral sounding? Why do people do it? How do people do it? Is it safe? Does it hurt? Why does it scare the bejeezus out of me? Why does it […]
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Ruby Bouie Johnson, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, interviews the co founders of Black Poly Pride. The inaugural event is July 11 14, 2019 in Dallas, Texas. Go to www.blackpolypride.com for details on events, registration, and accommodations.
Shortly after the allegations against Deen, Kink announced that it would no longer be working with him. The company also updated its “model bill of rights” to emphasize consent and encourage reporting of non-consensual behavior. “That made us really look at, ‘What are the gray areas?’” said Stabile. “How can we tease this out more?” In the years since, Kink continued to develop its protocols as it went from producing porn to distributing content made by third-parties. “We didn’t want consent to be a competitive advantage that we had,” said Stabile of the decision to share its protocols.
“This is the first time in Colombia that two men have requested a shared survivor’s pension in a polyamorous relationship, but we’re not doing it for the money, as we are in work and don’t need it. We’re doing it for the dignity of our family, of which Alex always felt so proud.”