Exhibit to highlight leather daddy Selby

Bay Area Reporter

A new exhibit opening this month at the GLBT Historical Society Museum recounts the story of “Daddy” Alan Selby, the founder of Mr. S Leather, within the context of a changing South of Market neighborhood and the emergence of a distinct leather and kink culture.

19 05 11

Source: ncsf

Wish you were in an open relationship? So do many Canadian

The Conversation

The study I conducted with Trevor Hart (department of psychology, Ryerson University) and Malcolm Fairbrother (department of sociology, Umeå University) is the first to provide a reliable report on how common open relationships are outside of the U.S. We found that 2.4 per cent of all Canadians, and four per cent of those who are romantically attached, report being in an open relationship.

Twenty per cent of participants reported prior engagement in an open relationship and 12 per cent reported open as their ideal relationship type.

Source: ncsf

Disabled People Are Hot with Andrew Gurza – Ep 88 American Sex Podcast

Andrew Gurza is back and it’s his birthday (happy birthday, Andrew!). He talks with us about his viral hashtag, #DiablesPeopleAreHot, and how it became a worldwide movement. Andrew also tells us how his relationship with his mother changed when he told her that he hires sex workers regularly. We discuss why the concept of enthusiastic […]

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Married With Benefits

Chicago Mag

The answer to nearly all of the questions or problems raised was communication. “There’s a saying in polyamory,” one of the mentoring attendees said, “that if you’re not talking too much, you’re probably not talking enough.” With open communication, so the poly philosophy holds, jealousies can be worked through, insecurities overcome, needs and wants negotiated, boundaries established and respected. A support group regular named Stephanie told me that polyamory had taught her how important direct communication is: “It’s about owning your own shit instead of expecting people to guess what you’re feeling.”

19 05 04

Source: ncsf

Sexuality in Color: Of Queens and Bs

Hey, hey, hey, it’s Chanté, back this week to continue the convo about sexuality and intersectionality. This week, I want to revisit a little basic terminology I brought up last time.

Sexuality and intersectionality are my jam. Why? Well, because I’m someone who identifies as so many things that talking about anything without intersectionality seems literally impossible. I think the more we can connect the two, the easier it may be to see the fluidity in and the intersections within our own identities and those of others.

If any of that’s brand-new to you, you might want to check out some content on our site about it (from awesome Scarleteen team members Al and Jacob, no less), to get yourself started:

Current Mood: #GetMeBodied

There are two Queens I need to holler at and give all the praise to right now for reminding the entire (digital) world that BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!

drum roll, please…

#1) Beyoncé.

I got three words: SHE DID THAT. On second thought, I have three slightly better words: Get Me Bodied!

Once again, Queen B broke the damn internet when she dropped Homecoming via Netflix last month.

Of course, I stayed up way past my bedtime to attend her digital concert! Nothing (not even my kids waking up and demanding I turn down the TV) was going to stop me from singing, dancing and scrolling through my amazing social media feeds. I stayed up until 4 AM that night — or day rather — because I knew it was about to be LIT. The beautiful folx of Twitter and Instagram did not disappoint!

In case you missed it, I highly recommend starting here. This gem is brought to us by Patrice Peck, talented Buzzfeed writer who is has been doing a damn good job of covering all things: #blackgirlmagic, culture and technology.

Anyway, Beyoncé and her crew made me feel all the feels. I laughed, danced, cried and contemplated.

What I loved most was the intimacy of her commentary; it was powerful and poetic. I sincerely appreciated her attention to the details — everything from the conscious curation (of black artists, performers, dancers, drummers) to Nina Simone’s voiceovers to Beyoncé sharing intimate details about her journey of coming HOME to herself after being pregnant with twins and surviving an emergency c-section. If there’s anyone who understands, I certainly do. Like Bey, I am a proud mommy of twins and went through a similar experience.

Since becoming mother of two highly active little kids, I’ve learned just how much of a sacrifice it can be to 1) conceive 2) grow and 3) raise children. It is NOT for the faint of heart. But as much as I like to joke and tell everyone that Beyoncé and are soul sisters (our names rhyme; we’re both Virgos who happened to be born in the same zip code; both have twins AND we share common interests in wanting to empower and educate urban youth within our communities.), the two of us live different realities and lifestyles.

Because of that, I wasn’t expecting a woman of her stature — and especially because she has set a precedent: her personal life is off limits — to blatantly share the fact that she weighed 218 pounds the day she gave birth. I also wasn’t expecting Queen B to spill the tea when it came to experiencing complications or misgivings she had about headlining at Coachella.

Ya’ll, this was a big deal to me because she’s built a brand that is iron clad. I can’t really think of a time where she’s folded OR subjected herself to being explicitly vulnerable. So when she shared such intimate details, I felt like I could FINALLY see more of myself in her. My respect and admiration for her grew tenfold this month.

Her story reminded me, and the world, that black is beautiful, bold and radiant. The glimpses into their family life was exactly what my soul had been yearning for. I loved seeing Jay Z in the background tending to their children while she worked her ass off for this comeback moment. His presence conveyed a strong message; black love and black excellence isn’t about being “Instagram perfect”. It’s about showing up and tending to your tribe. Sometimes it means taking a step back from your own spotlight to make space for your partner’s evolution and homecoming.

Now that she’s home, I can only hope this is the beginning of a new era; one where we start to experience more of the real Beyoncé and as a result, recognize the Queen in ourselves. Thank you, Beyoncé, you are the G.O.A.T.!

2) Lizzo.

Need I say more? Maybe not, but I will; she’s Black. Beautiful. Thicc. Sultry. Confident and my (new) Queen of Body Positivity!

Lizzo went mainstream when she dropped a masterpiece last month — her album, Cuz I Love You, which quickly climbed the charts and proved to the world that black beauty is not objective, it’s subjective. YAAAS GURL! We see you and we LOVE you.

This is one of my favorite Lizzo quotes — keep reading if you want to learn how a queen builds herself up and practices self-love:

“First off, I love my body. No matter what angle you shoot it at, no matter the lighting, my body is just so fucking beautiful all the time. I may talk shit about it sometimes, but fuck. She’s still a bad bitch,” she explained.

“My second favorite thing about myself is my blackness. I am really just so honored to be graced with this identity. No shade to any other shade on the planet—I just can’t relate. I just love being a black woman, even in a world where [we] are statistically the least desirable. I am still here, and I still rise.”

Want to read the full interview? You know you do. It’s here.

Shout Outs, Recommendations and Resources

I discovered this awesome website last month (I know, I’m late!) and have to share with all of you – if you haven’t spent time scoping out the stories and content on ShondaLand, I implore you to do so now!

I also wanted to pass along this Upcoming QTBIPOC Series hosted in Toronto! If anyone goes, I’d love to get your thoughts and feedback!

Source: spa

Guest Blog: Why Fetish Matters

by Russell J. Stambaugh

The avowed goal of this blog is to stop the othering of clients who practice altsex behaviors. Fetishism is the archetypical altsex issue because it is at the heart of how we define a sexual interest as deviant. But in discussing fetishism, it is necessary to discuss language because the word reflects not a single concept, but a confluence of many different ideas, and the distinctions between those ideas are what this article will be about. This leads us into the forest of the social construction of reality, especially that surrounding mental health diagnosis and how altsex clients are encouraged to identify and represent themselves. That is going to require a great deal of historical context.

In giving this context, I have no illusions that this article will start at *THE BEGINNING*. Conflict over the meaning of symbols is at the heart of the human experience since the beginning of language and has its roots in the genetic legacy of ambivalence that makes fight, freeze, or flight responses adaptive for higher animals. Stimuli can be perceived in different ways, and therefore take different symbolic meaning depending on their context. Different behavioral choices have differing outcomes, allowing selection to operate. Social regulation of sexuality is a cultural universal, although there is wide variability in which behaviors are regarded as sexual and which are proscribed. I have chosen to begin my discussion during the Age of Enlightenment because during that time, scientific and popular discourse replaced Church canon in the Western tradition. As such, I realize that this account is likely to under-represent non-Western discourses. I will quote a disproportionate share of nineteenth and twentieth century white males who held the commanding heights of sexological discourse during that period.

19 05 03

The meaning of fetish, and the history of fetishism is intimately bound up with the history of things. Things as things, people as things, and even parts of people as things. One of the insights you get from this study is that Freud was right. If sex isn’t about everything, it surely is about something a great deal broader than the immediacy of procreation. It throws into stark relief the fact that whether we have sexual feelings, or even sexual fixations on things is a different idea that whether we treat our sexual partners very well. So this lecture is not just an attack on othering our clients, but also an attack on the sex negative idea that having fetishistic attractions is inherently devaluing or less than intimate with other human partners. Those are separate ideas that can, but might not necessarily co-occur.

The Invention of Sexual Fetishes.

The term ‘fetish’ was originally coined from anthropology and meant to convey an object or symbol that was believed by its resident culture to possess magical or spiritual powers. Fetish is a concept with colonial overtones, in that the objects of tribal cultures were regarded as fetishes because they lacked magical powers while similar Western cultural symbols were not so regarded. The term first came into use as the Portuguese traders encountered Western African cultural artifacts in their sixteenth century explorations down the coast of that continent in hopes of gratifying their commercial fetishes for the silk, gems, gold and spices of the Far East without having to deal with their commercial competitors and middlemen, the Turks.

This idea that something was thought to be magical but really was not was preserved when the term was ported over to psychology and medicine by the intellectual progenitors of learning theory, the associationists, in the late nineteenth century as modern sexology was just getting its feet on the ground. The leading associationist of his day, and a founding father of modern psychology was the Frenchman Alfred Binet, the developer of what would later be called the Stanford Binet Intelligence Test. Fetishes offered Binet an interesting theoretical opportunity to explain how chance association might cause someone to learn that something was sexy when it wasn’t clearly instrumental for that purpose. If a person had a chance idea, or mental association, with a sexually irrelevant object, such as boot, while otherwise excited or aroused, he might come to permanently associate the idea of boots with sexual arousal. Just as deliberate study could cause someone to learn a language or skill, one could learn to become sexually attracted to something or someone. A fetish was just unfortunate learning as a result of chance experience. This also conformed to Christian notions of the day that held the undisciplined mind was prone to temptation and evil influence, so the concept was an easy sell to a public unfamiliar with psychological concepts. All of this was advanced well before Ivan Pavlov won the 1904 Nobel Prize in physiology that established the field of classical conditioning.

This idea was expropriated by Richard von Krafft-Ebing in his classic work, Psychopathia Sexualis (1886), and yoked into service explaining his idea of the perversions of sexual desire away from their obvious biological purpose of procreation as had been revolutionarily advanced in Charles Darwin’s narrative-changing work, the Origin of Species, (1859). Krafft-Ebing’s reasoning specified that the symptoms of problem sexual behavior were best classified with respect to their relation to the obvious purpose of sexual procreation. Anything which interfered or redirected sexual desire away from sexual procreation was a medical disorder, rather than a moral failing. Any poor wretch who came to Krafft-Ebing complaining that he was obsessed with lady’s boots but could not arrange to impregnate his wife was suffering from fetishism. It may well be that in an age where women didn’t bare their ankles, a well-turned boot was mildly arousing, but if you were so over-the-moon about boots that you couldn’t commit intromission, this was clearly a redirection or perversion of the sexual desire from its evolutionary purpose. While Krafft-Ebing was intent on confronting the religious moralism of how sexual deviance was viewed in his time, his theory preserved social stigma by suggesting that sexual variations were mental disorders. After all, who wanted to be viewed as someone too diseased to consummate procreative sexual relations? Krafft-Ebing was encouraging replacement of the concept of moral degeneracy with the idea of evolutionary or medical degeneracy. Those interested in a more detailed discussion of Krafft-Ebing’s thinking can find it here:Richard Frieherr von Krafft-Ebing (1840-1902)

It is not mere happy coincidence that this happened in the middle of the industrial revolution, and industry was creating a cornucopia of consumer goods. For anyone seeking a modern deconstruction of the relation between industry and sexuality, I recommend Gustave Flaubert’s novel Madame Bovary (1857) who’s protagonist is led to her destruction by the erosion of the values of country life under the twin late 19th century onslaughts of greater social mobility and consumerism. Despite a persistent narrative among later medical and psychoanalytic writers insisting that almost all fetishists are male, Flaubert and his later critics insist that Emma Bovary is proof that women can be fetishists, too. Indeed, Emma Bovary is the archetypical fetishist, too lost in the objectifications of the trappings of the lush life to care about others, the commercial equivalent of Krafft-Ebing’s later sexual theory. And Flaubert tautly draws our attention to the great problem poses by the second industrial revolution: objectification, and he uses commercial fetishism as his argument. …

To read the rest of this Guest Blog go to Elephant in the Hot Tub 

Source: ncsf

Roleplay Master Larkin Love – Ep 87 American Sex Podcast

Adult star, Larkin Love, is our guest on ep 87 of American Sex podcast. Ken has a few red-cheeked fan-boy moments and Larkin delves into quite a few important topics: the psychology of mommy domming; the taboo nature of incest play and her insecurities when first exploring that part of herself; the censorship of taboo […]

The post Roleplay Master Larkin Love – Ep 87 American Sex Podcast appeared first on Sunny Megatron – Sex Educator. If you are reading this on any site other then an RSS feed, this site is scraping my content. My posts appearance here is not an endorsement of this site. It is also likely here without my permission. Sunny Megatron

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A Quick and Easy Guide to Queer and Trans Identities is THE DREAMIEST.

cover of a quick and easy guide to queer and trans identitiesWe got our collective, grabby little hands on a copy of Mady G. and J.R. Zuckerberg’s A Quick and Easy Guide to Queer and Trans Identities a couple weeks ago and we’re in luuuuurrrve.

It just came out this week, so we’re here to tell you that we think you — especially if there are some young people in your life you can share it with — should get your hands on a copy, too.

What is it?  This 100+ page book is a trippy, cuddly and affirming comic adventure that very warmly, gently and with great joy leads the reader through a wide range of identities and some parts of life that are often about or involve them, like intimate relationships, dysphoria, coming out, making decisions about gender expression and our bodies, including medical decisions, finding — and feeling without — community and support. It’s something that takes some subjects that can be really scary for people, especially for many queer and trans young people, and that I think could help turn a lot of that fear or dread into understanding, acceptance and happy celebration.

It’s amazing and wonderful and just the very sweetest thing, is what it is.

I think it’s going to be a goodie for just about everyone: whether you don’t know jack about any of this, or whether all of this is very much about you and you know a lot from lived experience, a million awesome queer or trans history internet rabbit holes, and other ways of learning. This is potentially for you if you feel pretty comfortable, perhaps even deeply at home, with these arenas and ways of being, or if you are feeling intimidated, lost and uncomfortable (the sheer delight in all of this will help, I promise). For those who don’t yet or currently have any queer, asexual, trans, genderqueer or nonbinary community, this can provide some of that feeling.  I think this book would be a great choice for teen readers, including young teens.internal page of a quick and easy guide to queer and trans identities featuring sproutlings!

There are talking snails! There are Sproutlings (you’ll see)! There’s even a Julia Serano cameo! There’s some dorktastically cool extras in the back. There are soft and lovely colors and beautiful patterns. There are excellent definitions and descriptions and talk-throughs and other helps for understanding concepts that can really get people twisted sometimes.

There’s oodles of mad affirmation, bigging up and support. This is a comic full of wisdom, full of whimsy, and really, really full of love. I’m completely over the moon for it. It’s my new most favorite thing.

Here’s what some of the rest of our team had to say about it:


I really, really loved this. I loved how in-depth it went into things that I tend to see covered a lot less (asexuality, dysphoria, the challenges of coming out). I really liked the Sproutlings, especially in light of their creator’s comments about imagining an idyllic world that truly does allow for infinite diversity where the rules aren’t quite so strict and the answer is almost always “Sounds good! Thank you for telling me! I love and accept you!”

Also, I lightly wept when I read the nonbinary-alien part: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like an alien in my own skin. I refer to myself as a frog a lot precisely because of how the things that make me feel different from the people around me (read: brown, fat, hairy, genderqueer and generally odd) might feel more okay if I was amphibious. And I’m at least a few years older than the average “queer youth,” so I can say that I’ve 100% experienced that feeling, and that it’s spot on.

internal page of a quick and easy guide to queer and trans identities featuring snails!Mo:

I am really impressed at how it manages to present concepts in a pretty nuanced way without feeling too heavy or overwhelming for people who may be unfamiliar with what’s being discussed. The art is fun and cute without feeling *cutesy* and has a great energy to it; there’s such a great loving and celebratory vibe through the entire book. I think this will be a really helpful resource for people who are questioning or just starting to explore their queer identities and for allies who want to educate themselves; this is absolutely the sort of thing I wish I’d had oh…17 years ago when I was first starting to understand my own queerness and had a lot of questions and not many places to turn for answers.


This is so beautiful!!!


I love how casual the identity sections are. They do a great job of hitting all the key points without feeling preachy. Also, the reaction the snails have to seeing all the queer humans for the first time is not unlike how I felt the first time I went to a Pride event, and I love seeing that idea that the diversity of queer presentations is something worthy of joy and wonder.

The relationship section is really strong. I could see it becoming something educators use. The prose and drawings communicate the realities of healthy and unhealthy relationships in a way that’s going to be accessible to a lot of people.

That link way up top to Simon and Schuster’s page for this book has a handful of links to places where you can buy it. We also want to make sure you don’t forget you can get it at our favorite local feminist bookstore (the endlessly amazing and resilient Women and Children First), too!

Source: spa