Pacific Standard

Who decides what a group of queer individuals should look like? How do other queers intuit what is “appropriate” and what is not? Matthew J. Phillips, a writer and literature professor, saw the danger in those tweets above: “To argue—falsely—that [seeing BDSM gear] is a violation of your consent is to argue that the public sphere must be policed and certain expressions of behavior and sexuality excluded,” Phillips wrote. The argument in favor of respectability politics at Pride events is quintessential, Phillips says, of the “cis-hetero-patriarchy”—a powerful social apparatus that legislates what is normal and what is not among sexuality and expression. It’s similarly depressing to see LGBTQ+ individuals using children as rhetorical props, since an imagined threat to children has been, for centuries, the easiest way to convince the public to dehumanize queer people.

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Source: ncsf

NCSF in Tower Grove Pride in S. Louis

St Louis MO – NCSF will be out Loud & Proud at @TowerGrovePride in St Louis Mo tomorrow, Sat. June 29th! Look for us in Non Profit Row, Booth # CNTR 25, right next door to QaNDI (Queer & Neuro Diverse Inclusion), one of our favorite sibling groups here in StL!

Stop by & see what work we’ve been up to! Changing laws, Rockin our KAP List and making Consent Count! Grab a fan from us & glam it up with Cornelius, our favorite #NCSFUnicorn! They schtump for us every year!

Can’t wait to see y’all at #TGP2019!


Source: ncsf

The 'Red Table Talk' Keeps It All The Way Real About Polyamory And Threesomes In A New Episode


“I love men and women equally,” Willow continues. “So, I would definitely want one man and one woman. I feel like I could be polyfidelitous with those two people. I’m not the kind of person that is constantly looking for new sexual experiences. I focus a lot on the emotional connection, and I feel like if I were to find two people of the different genders that I really connected with and we had a romantic and sexual connection, I don’t feel like I would feel the need to try to go find more.”

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Source: ncsf

The ‘free love’ utopia behind your forks and knives


Oneida was founded in 1848 by John Humphrey Noyes, a former theological student who believed that paradise could be found on Earth through nontraditional sexual and familial structures. This included communal child raising; “complex marriage,” a term Noyes invented to describe how all Oneidans were married to one another; and sexual rituals, like male continence. Noyes built an enormous mansion in upstate New York for his “family” and amassed hundreds of followers. For years, the community succeeded. But after Noyes died, the community pivoted—into a thriving business.

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Source: ncsf

BDSM as a Tonic for Serious Illness

Scientific American

This broadly accepting community facilitates connections that can help a person fight against the often alienating experience of illness. Where many of us assume vanilla sex between heterosexual partners to be a private matter, we recognize that kink, BDSM and queer sex have long been grounded in communities of advocacy, activism and mutual support. That isn’t to say that every person feels connected immediately when they discover their sexuality, but it is to say that the communities are there to be discovered, and they can be lifesavers.

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Source: ncsf

Shared fantasies: Justin Lehmiller on the science of sexual desire

Bay Area Reporter

Often people wrestle with coming to terms with their sexual fantasies because they sense they’re rare. The less common we believe our fantasies might be the more likely we are to build up some shame and trepidations around them. By laying bare the reality that these wide-ranging sexual fantasies are rather common (in other words, quite normal), hopefully people will embrace those fantasies for what they are, a healthy manifestation of their sexuality.

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Source: ncsf

Being in a Polyamorous Relationship Prepared Me for Monogamy


McCullough also speaks to another way polyamory teaches healthy relationship skills: Certain topics need to be brought up consistently, especially as things in the relationship change. Prior to being polyamorous, I never told a partner, “This will be an ongoing conversation. When something changes in our relationship or one of us starts feeling a certain way about this, let’s talk about this again.” Before polyamory, I would typically have just one conversation with a partner about an issue we were struggling with, and then we would never resurface it. Ongoing conversations take into account that your needs and wants will change as a relationship evolves. This is true for all types of relationships — even platonic ones with family, friends, and coworkers.

Supporting Members

Source: ncsf


The complicated life of a black woman who gets off on being a sex slave.


There are days when I feel like the entire world expects me to be strong, simply because that is what’s expected of black women. We must solve every problem, cook every meal, dry every tear, and make everyone else’s lives happier. But sometimes, I don’t want to make any decisions. Surrendering to my master, then, means momentarily unburdening myself from the weight I carry as a divorced black mother. My obligations are so draining, I relish the comfort I feel when I can safely give myself over to someone who respects, loves, and values me.

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Source: ncsf