Scarleteen Mix #6: Consenting and Other Sexual Communication

scarleteen mix # 6 - consent and other sexual communication - photo of big microphoneReal-deal consent requires clear, open and honest communication. And if we’re going ahead and actually being sexual together in some way,  that also means an ongoing, nuanced and pretty highly situational process of communication, not just one or two super-quick, super-basic exchanges.

Not only is communication as a process essential to keeping it consensual, it’s a big part of sex actually being any good for everyone involved.

I’ve noticed over the years that a lot of people have the idea that consenting and other kinds of sexual communication are like going through a drive-through window to pick up take-out.

Like: You roll up and see if the place is open. They are. You decide what you want from the small menu, if you look at it at all, since you usually order the same two things. You shout what you want at some random somebody. If they have the stuff you shouted out, they just give it to you and you give them money.  Maybe they ask one or two extra questions, like if you want fries with that or how you want your change. You answer those (or not), take your stuff, you each say thanks and you roll off as the guy behind you in his giant Dodge Ram starts honking, because of course he does.

The thing is, if you truly want to do this right, and if you’re actually going ahead and being, and staying, sexually active with another person, consenting and other sexual communication should be a lot more like going to a long lunch at a nice restaurant.

So, something more like this: You roll up and see if they’re open. They are, so you go in. Someone asks if they can take your coat, and if you want a table. You say you want a table, but you’re keeping your coat with you. They ask if you want this table or that one? You choose that one. They say they’ll be back.  They come offer you water, and ask if you want sparkling or still?  You say still. They pour it. They ask if you want to hear their specials.  You say yes, they tell you. They give you two menus — one for drinks and one for food — tell you to take your time, and ask them any questions if you have them. There are a LOT of choices, so you do take some time, thinking about what you’re in the mood for, what looks good, what you know you do and don’t like, the works.

The come back and your order. You ask them if something on the menu can be adapted in a specific way for you: they say they’re sorry, but it can’t. You say you understand, and go with something else that looked good. You tell them not just what meal you’d like, but how you’d like it — how you like it cooked, what you want served first if possible, what you want on the side. You order a drink, doing the same. They say they’ll get those things going and you thank them.

They bring you your drink. You chill. They come back a little later to ask if your drink is okay and to tell you it’s taking a little longer in the kitchen than anticipated. You say it’s no problem, but thanks. Someone comes and offers you more water. You say yes, please. Your server then brings your meal, asks if it looks okay and if you need anything else. You actually notice your soup has something on it you’re allergic to and tell them. They apologize and say they’ll bring you another, and hope you will enjoy the rest of your meal while they get it. They come back with the soup, ask how your meal is, and you tell them it’s awesome. They say it’s actually their favorite, and you two talk for a little while about how much you both love the meal you’re eating. They ask if you need anything else, and if you’ll want to see a dessert menu.  You say you’re good, and no thanks, you don’t want dessert today.  They bring you the check, they tell you to take as long as you’d like, and you take your time finishing your meal. You pay it, tip your server, you thank each other and you roll on.

See the differences? How could you miss them? You’ll find them in this mix, too: there’s a whole bunch of back-and-forths and a wide range of not just ways to talk about sex, but different ways we might, whether that’s about telling someone we’re feeling when we’re out with friends to call us the next day when we’re sober, asking someone if they want to touch you, or telling a partner to slow down or not to touch some part of you.

Another thing I notice is how many people — especially people who haven’t ever been sexual with others before, or are really new to it all — still seem to have this super-strange idea that consenting and other sexual communication in words is a drag, isn’t sexy and somehow ruins the moment.

There are a lot of different things to say about that. For today, though, I think one of the most important things to know is that talking just at least enough to make sure everyone involved is truly on board, really wanting what’s going on, and wanting it HOW it’s going on, for every part of what you do, is vital, no matter what. That’s because what actually ruins the moment are sexual abuse, assault and being or feeling unable to stop someone from doing something sexual to you that you don’t want, really doesn’t feel good or is freaking you out or otherwise has you feeling very not okay in some way. Sexual abuse, assault and otherwise being or feeling unable to stop something sexual being done to you you don’t want, don’t like or simply feels bad for you do very serious harm and usually create very difficult and long-lasting emotional, physical, interpersonal and even economic consequences for those victimized.

If you’re going to worry about the impact of your sexual communication choices, I really hope you worry most about preventing serious sexual harm and trauma — and participate in sexual communication and sexual choices that make make that harm prevention your top priority — not the momentary, no-big-deal loss of your own or someone else’s buzz or boner.

I think this is the second most important thing to know: it DOESN’T ruin the moment when the moment is everyone involved actually wanting to totally be there and to really be as close with each other as sex can put us. It is NOT a drag and is NOT unsexy to say and hear what’s wanted and liked (and what isn’t, too!), and how everyone involved is really feeling. Instead, what sexual communication can do in that context is not only prevent sexual trauma, but help everyone involved have more emotionally healthy, fulfilling and satisfying sexual interactions and sexual lives.

Maybe that’s why so many of the songs in this mix  — created and curated by me with some sweet additions from Sam, Jacob, Siân, Alice M. and Al , that you can listen to on Apple Music or Spotify — sound so very good. 

  • I Want You to Want Me (Live): Cheap Trick
  • Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah): Joan Jett
  • Shiver Shiver: Walk the Moon
  • Green Light (feat. André 3000): John Legend
  • Into It: Camila Cabello
  • Slow Down : Alicia Keys
  • Genie in a Bottle: Christina Aguilera
  • Control: Janet Jackson
  • Play It Right: Sylvan Esso
  • Your Motion Says: Arthur Russell
  • Talking Loud and Clear: Orchestral Manoeuvres In the Dark
  • A Kiss Is Not a Contract: Flight of the Conchords
  • Don’t Touch My Hair (feat. Sampha) : Solange
  • I Walk the Line: Halsey
  • Just Here with My Friends (feat. Leah Fay): The Darcys
  • Hang With Me: Robyn
  • Closer: Tegan and Sara
  • I Wanna Be Your Lover: Prince
  • I’d Like To: Corinne Bailey Rae
  • Baby, It’s Cold Outside: Lydia Liza & Josiah Lemanski
  • You Can’t Always Get What You Want: The Rolling Stones

The post Scarleteen Mix #6: Consenting and Other Sexual Communication appeared first on Sex Positive Academy.

Source: spa

This 12-Step Group Meets in the Basement of a Fetish Shop


For kinksters, there are real risks involved with publicly outing oneself. One study conducted by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom found that 37.5 percent of BDSM practitioners had experienced some form of harassment or violence due to the social stigma attached to their sexual behavior. Parents risk losing custody of their children, others put their jobs on the line.

“Everyone shares about their wives and family members in A.A. meetings,” Brother Wolf continues. “I can’t talk about my two partners. I love A.A., but I also need fellowship with people who understand what being a part of an alternative lifestyle is about.”

18 12 30

Source: ncsf

Abused then arrested: inside California's crackdown on sex work

The Guardian

But Alix Lutnick, a researcher with RTI International and expert on trafficking, said that there is growing recognition that john stings don’t actually help victims – and can instead lead to their arrest. “What we hear from people who are selling sex is that these type of ‘end demand’ initiatives end up resulting in more harms for the very people we are purportedly trying to protect.”

18 12 28

Source: ncsf

Polyamorous sex is the most quietly revolutionary political weapon in the United States


Rios says polyamorists today are far less politically zealous than in his younger years. “When I started off, anyone who was polyamorous was making a radical social statement,” he says. “These days, you get a lot of people who are in it because they want a more open sexuality. These people are not necessarily liberal, or feminist, or anything.” Many do, however, care about diversity.

Source: ncsf

BDSM Contracts

Our BDSM Contract forms are available in electronic PDF and Microsoft Word format or a physical book. Each contract is sufficiently detailed whilst providing necessary flexibility to suit a whole range of circumstances. The standard terms specify rights and responsibilities of the parties including essential clauses such as scope of control, punishment, veto powers, termination, safe words, limits, communication and secrecy. Your agreement can be entered into for a specific time frame such as 3 months or it can be for a lifetime.

Read the descriptions below to see which document would best suit your needs:

Dominant/submissive BDSM forms – these forms specifically use the “Dominant” and “submissive” terminology and specify rights and responsibilities within this kind of relationship. It enables you to choose areas of control, safewords, soft and hard limits and punishments.

There are many kinds and levels of D/s relationships. One example is the Parent/child association. Daddy and Mommy dominants, whilst they may still be sadistic and sexual, provide more of a guiding and mentoring role to their boys and girls. The psychological connection is unique within each arrangement but the Parents usually provide affection and open their hearts to their ‘children’. Please note that references to ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ is to adult persons involved in such role play – not minors.

Master/slave contract forms or Mistress/slave BDSM contract forms – whilst these templates specifically use the “Master” or “Mistress” and “slave” terminology, they still enable the slave to retain some control. You may still choose which areas of the slave’s life Master/Mistress will have control over, safewords, soft and hard limits and allowable forms of punishment. You can make the deal as severe or mild as you like. The slave’s veto clause is optional and also the contract allows for the slave not to be able to terminate if that’s what’s desired.

Despite vanilla misconceptions, a slave is something that is deeply treasured by his/her Master. An experienced Mistress won’t just take on any slave that approaches Her and neither should a slave take on a new Master without knowing Him first. Some slaves believe it’s respectful to kneel before an unknown Master/Mistress. In truth, you should ask permission first. Without same, the Master/Mistress will simply assume you’ll kneel for anybody. you should value your surrender and submission highly.

Total Power Exchange (TPE) forms – the slave gives up all rights in favor of Master or Mistress. There are no limits and safe words are optional.

Like all other BDSM arrangements, TPE can include kinky activities or it can be purely non-sexual in nature. Some slaves trust in their Master so much they believe it’s disrespectful to have a ‘safe word’. These kinds of relationships may involve RACK (risk aware consensual kink) or consensual non-consensuality. Such edge play involves extreme levels of physical and emotional interactions. It pushes the boundaries of SSC (safe,sane and consensual) rules and should only be undertaken by experienced BDSM practitioners.

Gay BDSM Contract forms – suitable for D/s, M/s or TPE arrangements for gay couples.

Can I enforce my rights?
These documents are drawn up between a couple to show their commitment to one another and to outline the parties’ understanding, rights and responsibilities during the arrangement. They are like a prenuptial equivalent in the vanilla world, except any submissive pledge from a slave is not legally binding. Rather, they detail the expectations, goals and commitments between a Dominant and submissive or Master and slave for a certain period of time or even for life.

Please note that BDSM contracts are not legally binding. Either party may end the relationship at any time. Even consensual BDSM is illegal in many states so make sure you always stay within the law. Ignorance of the law is no excuse!

Contract form features & highlights

Editable – each .pdf form has fillable fields which you can save. The contract part of the Word document is completely editable (although copy protected). This enables you to fill out the contract over a period of time while you negotiate all the details of your relationship and then print the final version once you’re done. Alternatively, you may print and complete the contract in writing if you wish.

Duration – the contract term can be set for any period of time you like, even for “life”. At least two weeks is recommended to adjust to the arrangement and lifestyle changes. If you are only starting out, an initial period of not more than 3 months to one year is recommended.

Implementation – you can make the arrangement apply to only several days a week, for special occasions or it can be a 24/7 arrangement, depending on your requirements.

Renewal – the forms provide a section for renewal, so you don’t need to sign a new one when the term runs out.

Amendments – there is a section for you to make changes to the Contract, making it flexible and suitable for training arrangements as well. Of course, any changes will need to be signed by both parties.

Special conditions – you may stipulate your own special requirements/rituals/daily activities which you may wish to have recorded in the contract. For example, every morning slave must cook a wholesome breakfast for Master.

Goals – you can record your goals including statements of where the relationship is at and where you want it to be. This is important to reflect back to see which objectives are being achieved and which areas need more work and training.

Rights & Responsibilities – the clauses set out rights and obligations of both parties that are generally expected of partners in BDSM relationships. These include honesty, respect, attention to safety and aftercare. If you disagree with any of the terms, simply delete or cross them out. If you wish to add further responsibilities/entitlements, these can be added to the relevant clause or in the Additional Rules section.

Veto power – the ability for sub/slave to say ‘no’ to a command in certain situations. You may want this clause to be optional if your arrangement is a TPE.

Areas of control – you can either choose a total power exchange or select which aspects of the submissive’s/slave’s life will be owned/controlled (for example genitals, clothing & dress) and any specific requirements pertaining to these.

Behavior – how the sub/slave must act toward the Dominant/Master (etiquette).

Safety – all contracts have a safety clause.

Exclusivity – ability to choose how exclusive the arrangement is to be between the parties. Also includes a clause on switching.

Limits – there is a checklist which runs three pages long which enables you to identify hard and soft limits. This can give you more ideas for BDSM play.

Safe words – each contract has a clause for nominating safe words. If you don’t wish to use safewords, you can just leave this clause blank or cross it out, however this is not recommended.

Punishment – choose the allowable forms of discipline from a list of corporal and psychological punishments & add your own if needed.

Confidentiality – a clause on keeping the contents of the contract and any evidence pertaining thereto confidential and private.

Termination – the Dominant/submissive contract forms enable both parties to terminate the arrangement. The Master/Mistress & slave contracts allow the option of not allowing the slave to terminate (although you must realize this is not legally enforceable).

Legal declarations – necessary declaration clause for added moral binding authority.

Dr. Harmony’s Sample BDSM Contract

This contract sample is a medium to high protocol contract of a 24/7 D/s. . . The D-type shall be referred to as Owner of the s-type in this contract. . . The s-type shall be referred to the property in this contract.

Formal Power Exchange Contract

The purpose of this contract is for the documentation of negotiated expectations between the D-type, _________________, and the s-type, _______________, and who, by singing this contract, both parties are agreeing to the commitment to these expectations. This is not a legally binding contract. The s-type will be known as the D- type’s property. With this are negotiated expectations that will be named below. The s- type’s formal name shall be ______________. (This is often an alias adopted in the Kinky scene or one anointed to the s-type by the D-type)

Either party, only in the event of breach of contract, may terminate this agreement at any time before the below named date. On the below named date this agreement will be reviewed, renegotiated and rewritten, or terminated.

I __________________, hereinafter referred to as “the property,” do of my own free will, and being of sound mind and body, do hereby offer myself in consensual submission to __________________, hereinafter referred to as the “Owner”, for the period beginning ___________________ and ending ____________________.

Section 1: Contract Definitions

1.1. Requests
A request is for the property to do something just one time. It is not meant to be a repetitive duty, but a one-time chore.
1.2. Orders
An order is something that the Owner finds important enough that a sub will need to pay close attention. This may or may not be a continuous duty.
1.3. Instructions
Instructions are an important matter. They are to be treated as most important, and the property should take notes until they are acutely familiar with the concept.
1.4. Rules and Boundaries
A rule or boundary is a set of explicit or understood regulations or principles governing conduct within this contract.
1.5. Ritual
A ritual is a ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order.
1.6. Protocol
A protocol is a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in this formal contract.

Section 2: The Different Levels of Protocol
Protocols are very personal, what may be a protocol for one may not be for another s- type, however there are protocol norms that are relatively the same within the Leather Lifestyle. Prior to any event or party, the property will ask the owner which protocol form will be expected. The s-type may request a certain level of protocol but the final decision belongs to the owner.

2.1. No Protocol

● The only expectation is that of good manners 2.2. Low Protocol

●  The property is required to use a Owner’s given name when addressing the Owner or responding to something the Owner has said to them.

●  The property may free to speak and ask questions without hesitation.

●  The property may walk next to their Owner only when holding hands; otherwise

they are expected to be slightly to the rear and on one side or the other depending

on the request of their Owner.

●  In a group setting, the property is not expected to keep eye contact with their

owner at all times, the property is free to roam and mingle with others without

asking direct permission.

●  The property has permission to hug as a form of greeting between certain s-types

and D-types. This list of individuals will be discussed prior to any engagement.

2.3. Medium Protocol

●  The property will not be out of the eyesight of their owner unless permission was requested and granted to do so. Should property wish to go elsewhere, they are expected to stand next to the owner, head bowed, eyes lowered and speak in a low tone when making their request.

●  The property is restricted in conversation and when greeting others. When in Medium Protocol, the property will be attentive to their owner but may speak to those who the owner is conversing with. All others outside of the conversation will be informed that the property is in medium protocol and is not free to converse without permission from the owner.

●  Greetings to all others shall come in the form of a bow of the head and hands behind the properties’ back in an “at ease position” unless otherwise stated. In some cases, specific people may have an “open hug policy” to receive and give hugs at any time, to be confirmed by the Owner in advance. Once given, an open hug policy is permanent, unless removed by the Owner.

2.5. High Protocol

●  All Formal Protocols are in place.

●  Language Protocols and Attending are vastly important. The property’s sole

purpose is to serve the Owner and to make the Owner’s life easier.

●  At this point the property is not allowed to leave the side of the owner, not allowed

to converse with anyone unless given permission or indications that they may.

●  The property is expected to be on alert at this point for anything that may disrupt

the Owner. It is the duty of the property to attempt to resolve any issues that arise. If there is an issue that cannot be resolved then they are to inform the Owner at the next availability.

●  The property may not sit until the Owner is seated unless otherwise directed.

●  At meals, the property may not begin eating until after the Owner has started and

granted permission for the property to eat.

●  The property may be required to be quiet yet serve friends if told that they are on

service for the evening. At that point they may only speak if directly spoken to or if they need to ask a question in regards to fulfilling service.

Section 3: Standard Positions and Commands for the property

3.1. Stand or Up: stand with legs 4” apart, head up, eyes down, arms at side or behind back

● Voice Command – Stand or Up

● Hand Command – open hand moved up

3.2. Kneel: on knees, back straight, arms behind back with hands together, head up, eyes down

●  Voice Command – Kneel

●  Hand Command – open hand moved down with fingers together Note: This is the slave’s standard position

3.3. Sit: Indian style on the floor, knees bent, legs spread and crossed at the ankles, palms facing up on knees, back straight, head up, eyes slightly down.

● Voice Command – Sit
● Hand Command – hand moved down with index and middle finger extended and spread

Section 4: Guidance and Protection of the property

4.1. The Owner accepts full responsibility of the property. This includes but is not limited the property’s survival, health, physical well-being, and mental well-being.

4.2. It is often a common courtesy for D-type’s to care for each other’s property when a D-type is forced away from his s-type. When these arrangements are made, it is often with the exchange of service from the s-type. Service will be strictly negotiated and will not be sexual or romantic in nature. Care will only include checking in on the s-type and escorting them to events as needed. Should other needs be requested, then the Owner will discuss and negotiate these needs to the comfort of his property. Should this be uncomfortable for the property, the Owner shall refer the requesting s-type to another D- type for care.

4.3. If the Owner is pulled away from his property, then he has the right to request an agreed upon D-type to be responsible for his property.

4.4. The Owner will only become involved with the finances of the property when explicitly asked; otherwise it is the responsibility of the property to manage their money appropriately.

4.5. If the property is ill, it is the responsibility of the Owner to care for the property.

4.6. The Owner will do everything within the Owner’s power to train, educate, instruct, shape, and mold the property into best submissive possible.

4.7. The Owner shall read the property’s journal on a regular basis and agrees to not punish the property for anything posted therein.

4.8. The Owner agrees to work with the property on any new interests that the property discovers.

4.9. Whereas both parties will be working outside the home, the Owner and the property shall share in housework as enumerated by the Owner.

4.10. Whereas the Owner believes that family is important, the Owner will not keep the property from staying in touch with their family and will not unreasonably withhold trips for the property to visit their family.

4.11. Whereas the Owner believes that friends and a social support system is important, the Owner will not keep the property from staying in touch with their friends and family support system and will not unreasonably withhold trips or social time for the property to visit their friends and support system.

4.12. Whereas the Owner believes that community service important, the Owner will not keep the property from participating in community service.

Section 5: General Expectations of the property

5.1. Everything the property says and does is a reflection on the property and their Owner. In a larger scale, it also represents the community as a whole in non-Kinky settings. This means that the property must be mindful of their manners, behaviors, and dress at all times.

5.2. The property should use common sense and use good manners at all times.

5.3. The property accepts full responsibility for informing the Owner of any real or perceived dangers or safety concerns, but also agrees that the Owner’s decision will be final regarding these issues.

5.4. In general, the property must learn and accept all s-type behaviors as being normal, and learn to behave in a way that is natural-looking and feeling. Additionally, the property will always act and respond as if the Owner is correct in the orders that the

Owner gives. The property is forbidden to respond in any way that causes the appearance that the Owner has made an error.

5.5. The property is to learn to act naturally, with the same obedience, lack of negativity, and in coordination with actions of the Owner.

5.6. The property is to defer to Medium Protocol at all times unless otherwise negotiated.

5.7. The property shall keep a daily journal for reflection and process. The purpose of this journal is so that the property and the Owner can remain mindful of the power exchange and so that they are both able to grow and work through challenges together. The topics of the journaling may include but are not limited to – thoughts, concerns, what was learned, and possible new interests to explore.

5.8. The property shall bring and show honor and respect to the Owner at all times.

5.9. The property agrees to never remove ownership collar at any time.

5.10. The property shall make themselves available for use by the Owner in anyway the Owner desires at any time the Owner desires whenever feasible, within the terms of this contract.

5.11. The property shall not orgasm without permission from the Owner.

5.12. The property must continually work towards building trust and must show obedience, respect, and loyalty.

5.13. Service is defined as the act of servitude. The duty of service in this contract includes submitting to the Owner and the Owner’s requests.

5.14. Dishonestly in any form is cause for immediate release of ownership.

5.15. In public, it is the properties responsibility to insure that unwanted attention is not brought to the Owner or the property thus, careful mindfulness of behavior and manners is absolutely first and foremost.

Section 6: Communication

6.1. The Owner will be referred to as Sir/Ma’am at ALL TIMES.

6.2. The Owner shall not need permission to speak to their property.

6.3. When speaking with the Owner, every new thought begins with Sir/Ma’am. Thoughts are expressed clearly, succinctly, and without run-on.

6.4. When the property is already engaged in conversation with the Owner, they do not have to enter the Owner’s consciousness by saying “Sir/Ma’am?”

6.5. Property is to say “Yes Sir or Ma’am” or “Thank you Sir/Ma’am” every time they:

●  Are given any order;

●  Is told any piece of information, even if it doesn’t affect them, or;

●  Have their speech or behavior corrected or explained

●  Property may answer any “yes or no” questions by stating “yes/no, Sir/Ma’am” and will respond to an order to assume a position with only “yes, Sir or Ma’am” (example: the command – kneel – will be answered –”yes, Sir/Ma’am”)

6.6. Yes and No questions, will be asked in this manner:

6.7. If  “Sir/Ma’am, May I ask a question?”
Wait for the Owner’s response (no matter how long it takes for a response). Say “Thank you Sir/Ma’am!”
the property feels the need to make a comment, they may ask:
“May I make a comment Sir/Ma’am?”
Await the Owner’s response
Respond “Thank you Sir/Ma’am!”
Make the comment, if question answered in the affirmative.

6.8. When the property feels a need for the Owner’s attention, the property may come into the Owner’s presence by:

  • Presenting themselves
  • Immediately asking only one time “Sir/Ma’am?”
  • Await the Owner’s acknowledgment
  • If asking a “yes” or “no” question saying, “Sir/Ma’am, do you wish your propertyto.”
  • If asking to go to the bathroom, asking, “Sir/Ma’am, may I go to the WC/Loo/Ladies/ Restroom etc.?”

6.9. “I beg your pardon Sir or Ma’am” is the only way that the property may express accidental activities.

6.10. It is appropriate for the property to use “Beg your pardon Sir/Ma’am” in a crowd when they have bumped into someone.

6.11. “I beg your pardon Sir/Ma’am” is also the appropriate response when the property has not heard or clearly understood an order.

  • Then the property may ask their question if the Owner’s response was affirmative

The property will say; “Thank You Sir/Ma’am!” only when they fully understand the explanation or order and when they feel the appreciation for having received it.

6.12. The property is free to speak between other s-types, even in the presence of their Owner, so long as it is not distracting, does not compete with what the Owner wants to express, can be immediately and easily interrupted by the owner interjecting, and doesn’t interfere with the position another s-type is currently holding.

6.13. Gossip is a form of disrespect, thus neither the Owner nor the property will participate in gossip or interact with others who do.

6.14. There will be NO public airing of conflicts. If the property is disgruntled with something, then it is their responsibility to discuss it with their Owner formally as negotiated. If necessary an agreed upon professional, such as a Kink Aware Therapist, will be named as a neutral.

Section 7: Expressing Dissatisfaction and Conflict

7.1. When the property is displeased, they are to wait to discuss it until the negotiated proper time. If the property is visibly upset, the property may ask permission to excuse themselves to a private area to self soothe and calm down. If the property does not have access to this space, they are to immediately go into high protocol until this space is available.

7.2. Once the property and the Owner are in their private space, the property may ask permission to air a grievance. The Owner will then decide whether the time is appropriate or not. Should the time be inappropriate the Owner will take responsibility to make an appropriate time to discuss the matter within a 24-hour period. The property is permitted to vent in their personal journal or seek an appointment with the agreed upon neutral. Once the time has been established, it is the expectation that both the Owner and the property will discuss the issues in a calm and healthy dialog. Neither the Owner nor the property has permission to yell or insult each other.

7.3. The Owner will correct the property in public if needed but will not degrade or insult the property. Mutual respect is a significant part of this power exchange.

7.4. The Owner agrees that property will not be punished for respectfully stating any concerns. The Owner further agrees to listen to property’s concerns with a clear and open mind. The Owner shall NEVER inflict physical harm upon the property, which might require the attention of someone outside the relationship.

7.5. The use of safe words, as expanded upon in 14.1, may be used by either party and WILL be respected. As emotional flooding can be dangerous when in conflict, these safe words are used for both play and conflict.

Section 8: Greeting Rules, Rituals and Protocols

8.1. As your Owner, property will refer to their Owner as Sir/Mistress unless otherwise told.

8.2. Eye contact with the Owner is encouraged at all time but will not be made with anyone but your Owner without permission.

8.3. When the property or Owner enters the room, the property must always come up to the Owner, kneel and kiss the feet of the Owner.

8.4. Should the property desire to leave the side of their Owner, the Property must ask permission prior to doing so.

8.5. D-types require a proper greeting. If for some reason you are unsure of the proper address, then ask how the D-type prefers to be addressed. Failing to show courtesy for others is to show YOU do not have proper manners.

8.6. Never touch others without permission. This includes sexual, play, or hugging as a greeting. Exceptions will be negotiated prior to any changes made.

Section 9: Dress Code

9.1. The Owner has the right to dictate the attire of his property at any time. This request may include a particular garment, clothing style, or lack thereof.

9.2. It is considered appropriate for the property to wear a Collar that denotes their status. A Collar can be made of metal, leather, or other material and is most commonly seen on the neck, wrists, or ankle. The Owner is requesting that his property have at least one Collar denoting their as owned at all times without exception. The Owner will supply the property with a number of Collar choices but he is to be the one to remove or place such Collar on his property. If the owner requests a specific Collar, the property will honor that request.

Section 10: Personal Hygiene and Care

10.1. The property is expected to maintain a high level of self-care. This includes regular medical and dental checkups. Prior to any major change in diet or exercise, the property must ask permission. The Owner does not condone radical programs and expects that the property will not partake in ANY behavior that may cause harm to said property.

10.2. The property is to ask permission prior to any decision involving the hairstyle or any permanent markings or piercings on the body of the property.

10.3. The property is to keep their appearance neat and clean at all times and outside of illness is expected to be dressed to impress the Owner.

Section 11: Home Coming Protocols and Rituals

11.1. This ritual is something to help set the ultimate mood in the household.

11.2. The property may have a job of great responsibility outside of the Owner’s house, but in the end it is the Owner’s collar that they wear. As such, to help the property go from being in charge to being property, the Owner expects them to completely undressed in the bedroom after they arrive home from work, kneel before the Owner, and kiss the Owner’s feet. The property will then prepare for atonement of the Owner’s choosing. This atonement may be anything from a spanking to a form of sexual worship. This ritual will also help bring the property’s thought processes back to where they need to be, focused on the Owner and servitude.

11.3. Should the property find that they are having a hard time switching to s-mode, or cannot relax, It is expected that the property communicate this with the Owner so that the owner may help the property enter into the right mindset.

11.4. Should there be a case where the Owner is not at the home to be greeted, the property is to go to the bedroom, get undressed and meditate on the property’s knees for 5 minutes. The Owner expects that the property will be “on” and ready to serve on the Owner’s rival home.

Section 12: Meal Protocols and Rituals

12.1. The property will prepare and serve the Owner’s meal first, and then ask permission to eat before beginning theirs.

12.2. The property will eat their meals at the Owner’s feet unless permitted otherwise.

12.3. When in a public, non-Kink environment the Owner will order the properties meal and the property will wait to begin until the Owner grants permission.

12.4. The property will act accordingly, understanding that they will function in a non- Kinky manner, yet always remember their place within the Owner’s Household. The property will speak to others with respect and continue to call the Owner Sir/Ma’am. They will ask permissions privately if possible.

Section 13 Bed Time Protocols and Rituals

13.1. At home and unless otherwise instructed, the property is to remain by the side of the owner or at the Owner’s feet at all times. Should the property find that they are in need of an earlier bedtime than the Owner, the property may ask permission to go to bed early. 13.2. The property is not permitted to wear clothing to bed.

13.3. The owner will tuck the property in each night with a kiss on both wrists and our mantra of:

O: Who do you belong to? p: You, Sir.
O: Where is your home? p: Sanctuary, Sir.

O: Where is Sanctuary?

p: By your side, Sir.

13.4. If the property is away from their Owner, the property is expected to kiss her wrists, and text exchange the mantra with the Owner.

13.5. If there has been some disagreement that has been only partially resolved, the property may not sleep elsewhere within the house. Disagreements are never permission to abandon the Owner or the property.

Section 14: Safe Words

14.1. The color code system of Green, Yellow and Red will be respected even during consent of non-consent play. In addition, the safe word for the immediate stop of all activity is ___________. Both parties may use and WILL respect this boundary. As emotional flooding can be dangerous when in conflict, these safe words are used for both play and conflict.

Section 15: Banned Activities

15.1. Under no circumstance is the property allowed to engage in any form of play with anyone else without the Owner’s express permission.

15.2. The property is not allowed to engage in sexual play (intercourse or any other kind) without previous consent from the Owner. The property is allowed to masturbate as much as they wish, but the standing rule is they are NOT allowed to cum without permission from the Owner.

15.3. Owner shall not leave permanent marks on property

Section 16: Punishment

16.1. With all things, there can be punishment for failure to do something correctly. Punishments will vary on a case-by-case basis; repeated failure will receive an increasingly stronger punishment.

16.2. Negotiated Punishments may include:

● Spanking

● Silence

● Writing of sentences

● Ordered periods of High Protocol

● Restriction of Pleasurable activities such as orgasm or play dates

● Restriction from sweets

This list is a soft list and may be altered based upon negotiation.

16.3. The Owner shall inform the property of the reason for any punishment. Periodically during the punishment, the Owner will remind the property the reason for the punishment although that can come from the property in the form of “Why are you being punished?” with an appropriate response from the property.

16.4. The property shall count each stroke when being punished by flogging, caning, etc. and also must thank the Owner following each stroke.

Section 17: Repair

17.1. At times, the Owner may also make mistakes, which will require repair with the property. The need for repair will be a mutual decision between the property and the Owner.

17.2. The following items are forms of repair:

● Taking the property on a shopping trip
● Taking the property on a trip with The Owner
● The Owner may take the property on a special date

This list is a soft list and may be altered based upon negotiation.

Section 18: Illness and Injury

18.1. It is of the utmost importance that the property takes care of themselves. Thus if the property is sick, the properties only responsibility is to rest, take their medication, and follow their health provider.

18.2. Should the property have a permanent injury or illness, then appropriate accommodations will be made between the Owner and the property which still support the dynamic.

Section 19: Signatures

Owner ________________________________ Property _______________________________

BDSM contract

Dr. Harmony’s Top 3 Books for a Healthier Relationship

Dr. Harmony’s Top 3 Books for a Healthier Relationship   My Personal Handbook by Dr. Harmony   When life throws you curve balls, sometimes we lose our direction. This workbook is designed to bring you back to basics and reexamine who you are from a basic needs and value level.   The Seven Principles for […] More

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Source: spa

Here's what Tumblr's adult content ban means for its loyal users

NY Daily News

Susan Wright, spokesperson for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), noted the impact Tumblr’s ban may have. “They are really missing the goal of being able to being able to talk about responsible sexuality, which is being to be able to talk about yourself… to get peer support and talk about what you want to do.”

Wright said initiatives like Tumblr’s go beyond finding community and exploring sexuality — they can create discrimination and cause problems like with child custody issues in the LGBTQ communities.

Source: ncsf

Hotter Negotiation with Midori – Ep 72 American Sex Podcast

Great sex and mind-blowing kink must include clear communication and thorough negotiation. Sometimes, however, the process can seem impersonal and not very sexy. In this episode, Midori teaches us surefire techniques for laying groundwork before a sexy scene that doesn’t feel like negotiation at all. She explains her signature engaged collaborative consent model, gives specific […]

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Source: spa

Holiday Depression – Why do I feel so blue when joy bells are ringing?

Holiday depression is well known to our little Sad Mittle. She tries so hard to get into the holiday spirit, but she struggles every year. She decks the halls, and sings yuletide carols yet she still slips right back into the blues. So, what is it about the holidays that triggers her blues? The Holidays […]

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Source: spa

Kinky sex can rekindle the spark in the bedroom

The Orion

Finding the type of kinky sex you want to give a try is a really important step. Going into a situation and saying you are open to anything is rarely true. Often times people have a limit but they are afraid to tell it to a partner. Disappointing your partner should never be a concern when you uncomfortable with an act.

Source: ncsf