Sex talk: What even the most vanilla among us can learn from the BDSM community

Little Village

How do we reframe our expectations so we are not constantly critical of ourselves or our partner? Let’s move away from who-does-what-to-whom and towards a curious and honest exploration of guiding principles that impact mindset. How do I get into the mindset of sex being a place we go, instead of what we do to each other? How do we explore our sexual appetite without anxiety or the pressure of an outcome?

Source: ncsf

Why I Didn’t Get Smartphone Until Now

I’m in my late twenties, and I just got a smartphone. I know, I know, I was met with incredulous stares from the professionals at AT&T, along with everyone else I knew for being quite “behind the times.” But alas, my non-smartphone naturally became obsolete, less functional, and decided to unfortunately bid me one final goodbye.

So why did I wait so long, anyway? Why did I wait until I basically had no choice but to take the iPhone plunge? Do I need to authorize a case study? Well, no, I don’t think it’s that serious, but psychologically speaking, I clearly had reservations about this technological advancement.

The answer is simplicity. That’s the crux of why I delayed this change every time I needed a new phone and decided to forego the smartphone upgrade and opt for the classic throwback, for an older model, for a phone that’s centered around calling and texting and nothing more. The simplicity of the non-smartphone is what I reveled in — the fact that I didn’t need to download various apps or have the Internet constantly at my fingertips was a relief. I wasn’t keen on all the stimulation, all the choices. It was “a bit much,” I’d relay. I wouldn’t say I was literally “‘overwhelmed,” but I was not seeking a phone that had every feature under the sun. I claimed that I would rather use the Internet on my laptop; I would rather keep technical devices separate.

Nowadays, everyone is moving fast. Everyone is on the go. We use hashtags and abbreviations and pictures online to sum up our lives. I see lists on Buzzfeed and short articles that are structured so that the reader can quickly scan for a summary. The market for the literary essay and the novel, for elongated prose, isn’t as fruitful as it once was (at least I don’t seem to think so). Everyone grabs their information and entertainment as quick as they come, whether it’s through social media glimpses, an app or an online game. (Of course, I’m generalizing right now, and of course, there’s probably a spectrum where some find more of a middle ground, myself included.)

I suppose I’m trying to hone in on a larger point, on a bigger picture. I suppose I’m trying to connect the dots between a societal trend and the way the smartphone seems to parallel alongside it, which is why I held onto my basic phone for years and years.

We all have our own personalities, our own pace, and I tend to move a bit slower; I tend to take my time and not have too many tasks to do at once. I’m a middle-of-the-road kind of girl. That’s just me. I fantasize about having a summer cottage off the coast of Maine, a few blocks away from the ocean or a bay. I would write, and I would breathe in the sea air and take in the quaint, idyllic charm.

And if push comes to shove, it’s not that I can’t juggle and be “on the go” if need be, but in my day to day, I would rather keep a simple pace if possible; it’s just less stressful that way, less chaotic.

Needless to say, I’m sure I will acclimate and bond with my new phone in my own fashion. (I must say, I am eager to explore all the emoji galore since I like adding some ‘flair’ to my text messages, and the beautiful camera is a plus since I didn’t even have a working camera prior.) So there it is. I can own a smartphone and still remain on middle ground. I don’t have to download every app, nor do I even have to browse the Internet, or succumb to its other perks.

I can utilize the phone in my own way. Perhaps I can find an emoji of Maine.

The post Why I Didn’t Get Smartphone Until Now appeared first on HiveMind Community.

The post Why I Didn’t Get Smartphone Until Now appeared first on Sex Positive Academy.

Source: spa

The Gift of Self-Compassion

Feeling love and compassion for others can be difficult. But holding ourselves with love and compassion can be even more challenging. Why do we often treat ourselves in ways that we’d never treat others? And what would it take to bring more compassion to ourselves?

Plato has famously said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” This wise perception also applies to ourselves. Each of us has faced betrayals, adversities, and losses — and sadly, more difficulties probably lie ahead. Life would be less stressful and more fulfilling as we learn the art of self-compassion.

Why is Self-Compassion So Difficult?

We may have internalized the message that we don’t deserve happiness. Perhaps we grew up with neglect or abuse rather than receiving the consistent message that children need: we have worth and value — and we are loved. An attachment injury may make it difficult to feel safely connected with ourselves and others

Self-compassion is also difficult if we cling to memories of our failures or the hurtful things we’ve done when we were younger and less wise. We may minimize the good things about ourselves and our positive contributions.

As neuroscientists know, our brain has a negativity bias. Our survival as a species is based partly upon our ability to scan the environment for danger so that we can avoid injury and destruction. There is scant survival value in relaxing and relishing the beauty within us and around us, although doing so may be part of an evolutionary process that enables us to move from surviving to thriving.

Self-compassion begins by realizing that we have a right to be happy. In fact, the founding fathers of the United States felt that the pursuit of happiness is so important that it became enshrined in the U.S. Constitution.

However, this doesn’t mean that happiness is an entitlement. Living a fulfilling life requires creating the necessary foundation. It takes work and the right kind of attention. This includes living an ethical, connected life. It’s impossible to find inner peace and happiness if we’re oblivious to others’ needs and the world around us — or worse, if we’re harming people. Our narcissism not only damages others, but it is also destructive to ourselves as it constricts us to a small, isolated world

Loving Ourselves

Finding inner peace and happiness means cultivating compassion toward ourselves. This is easier said than done. Self-love and self-compassion is more than just being good to ourselves, such as soaking in a hot tub or buying nice things.

Self-compassion is an inner job. It has to do with how we hold ourselves, how we relate to our feelings. It means finding the strength and resilience to embrace the full range of our human emotions. It means tapping into inner resources that can meet our feelings with a gentle embrace rather than with judgment.

Being human means sometimes wrestling with uncomfortable emotions. The next time you find yourself feeling sad, lonely, afraid, hurt, embarrassed, or some other distasteful feeling, you might want to try this: take a few gentle breaths and then notice how this feeling is living in your body right now. Is your bodily-felt sensation prickly, tight, heavy, jumpy, or …? See if you can allow the emotion and the bodily sensation connected with it to simply be there without judging the feeling or criticizing yourself for having it. Can you allow it to be there without being afraid of it and without feeling shame around it? Or simply notice the fear or shame and maybe you can find a way to be gentle with that feeling too.

Compassion means accepting ourselves as we are. It means meeting our feelings with love and gentleness rather than trying to fix ourselves or get rid of them. It means being our own best friend.

It may sound strange, but being compassionate toward ourselves also serves others. Feeling more peace inside, we have more to offer. By becoming more familiar and gentle with our own feelings, we can extend compassionate attention toward others when they are feeling distressed or challenged.

The post The Gift of Self-Compassion appeared first on HiveMind Community.

The post The Gift of Self-Compassion appeared first on Sex Positive Academy.

Source: spa